{"id":4108,"date":"2020-01-10T12:00:24","date_gmt":"2020-01-10T16:00:24","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/lineriderpress.com\/headlinepoetry\/?p=4108"},"modified":"2020-01-10T16:37:39","modified_gmt":"2020-01-10T20:37:39","slug":"reap-by-grix","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lineriderpress.com\/headlinepoetry\/2020\/01\/10\/reap-by-grix\/","title":{"rendered":"Roe v. Wade-related | Reap, by Grix"},"content":{"rendered":"

CW: Roe vs Wade-related content; abortion, sexual assault<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

missed moon <\/span>
\nhe takes what he wants<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

It\u2019s my junior year of high school and my period is three weeks late. Two blue lines on a pregnancy test stick indicate that I\u2019m pregnant. I tell no one.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I call and make an appointment at Planned Parenthood. Skip school. Show up thirty minutes early, alone and panicked. As I make my way toward the building, strangers crowd me and shout things that all blur together, but are clearly punctuated with hate.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

righteousness and judgment \u00a0 <\/span>
\nforcing themselves on me<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I make it inside. Check in at the front desk and begin filling out paperwork. When my name is called, I\u2019m escorted to the nurse\u2019s station, where she draws my blood to run a pregnancy test. I\u2019m hoping that the one from Walgreens was wrong.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I sit down with a counselor. She asks an array of questions, explains all of my options in detail. The results are soon ready.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

positive \u00a0 <\/span>
\nthe weight<\/span>
\nof a word\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Unable to imagine gestating his harm, and heeding his threats about telling my family what he\u2019s been doing to me, I schedule a time to return for an abortion.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

A little weight lifted, I imagine myself free of him\u2014that he suddenly gives up and leaves me alone. A fantasy, but I feel better knowing that this one part of him will no longer have dominion over me.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

things i can control \u00a0 <\/span>
\npulling threads<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Three days later I\u2019m back, this time with a friend. Again, thirty minutes early. Again, full of anxiety and bombarded with hostility. I focus on unraveling the bottom of my sweater as a distraction.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The nurse walks me back, has me disrobe, and helps me get as comfortable as possible. The doctor comes in and discusses the process once more. She asks if I\u2019m sure\u2014if I\u2019m ready.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Feet in stirrups. Knees apart. She examines me.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

the girth<\/span>
\nof a grapefruit<\/span>
\nour eyes widen<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Despite only missing one period, she informs me that I\u2019m about five months pregnant. She says the bleeding in the previous months must have been due to stress. She explains the law and how they can\u2019t help me at this point. She leaves the room while I get dressed.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The counselor comes in and asks if I want to further discuss the other choices I have remaining. I don\u2019t.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

fear of the unknown\u00a0 <\/span>
\ngrowing inside me \u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I can\u2019t focus on what\u2019s going on at this moment. All I can think about is carrying my rapist inside me for the next four months\u2014how every moment he\u2019ll loom.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

My heart and mind race with worry about what he\u2019ll do when he figures it out. That he will finally follow through and kill me, and my family.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

nipping<\/span>
\nat my heels\u00a0 <\/span>
\nsidewalk vermin<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I emerge from the exam room and find my way to the waiting area, where my friend is. He looks up and asks if I\u2019m okay, but I can\u2019t even speak.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

As we plod through the crowd, they spew vitriol.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Where exactly is this God they claim to speak for right now?<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Afterward – Ink and paint on paper – Smith, R.A. (2017),
\nfirst published in Rhythm & Bones<\/h6>\n
“Reap” was originally published with Jellyfish Review<\/a><\/em><\/h6>\n
<\/h6>\n

…<\/p>\n

\n
Grix<\/strong> (they\/them) is a chronically ill and disabled nonbinary trans femme who writes and creates visual art. Their work focuses on disability, gender, trauma, and systems from a neurodiverse perspective. They are the\u00a0founding and\u00a0<\/span>managing editor of\u00a0Human\/Kind Journal<\/i>\u00a0and\u00a0Human\/Kind Press and\u00a0<\/span>associate editor at both\u00a0Sonic Boom<\/i>\u00a0and Yavanika Press.<\/span>\u00a0Twitter\u00a0@metagrix and <\/span>metagrix.com<\/a><\/h5>\n
Authors note:<\/strong>\u00a0 There are really so many articles that are relevant to this. One of the big things for me is how most pro-lifers don’t seem to care about what happens after an abortion is denied. They don’t care what happens to the lives of women and children. Readings on this topic include these articles by NYTOpinion<\/a> and StatNews<\/a>.<\/h5>\n
<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

CW: Roe vs Wade-related content; abortion, sexual assault   missed moon he takes what he wants   It\u2019s my junior year of high school and …<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":4109,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"sfsi_plus_gutenberg_text_before_share":"","sfsi_plus_gutenberg_show_text_before_share":"","sfsi_plus_gutenberg_icon_type":"","sfsi_plus_gutenberg_icon_alignemt":"","sfsi_plus_gutenburg_max_per_row":"","_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"Reap | by Grix\nCW: Roe vs Wade-related content; abortion, sexual assault\n\n\"It\u2019s my junior year of high school and my period is three weeks late. Two blue lines....\"\n\n\n","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[188,213,306,316,161],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-4108","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-creative-nonfiction","category-poetry","category-reproductive-freedom","category-roe-v-wade-related","category-metoo"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/lineriderpress.com\/headlinepoetry\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/01\/Afterward.jpg?fit=733%2C1024&ssl=1","post_mailing_queue_ids":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lineriderpress.com\/headlinepoetry\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4108","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lineriderpress.com\/headlinepoetry\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lineriderpress.com\/headlinepoetry\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lineriderpress.com\/headlinepoetry\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lineriderpress.com\/headlinepoetry\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4108"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/lineriderpress.com\/headlinepoetry\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4108\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4218,"href":"https:\/\/lineriderpress.com\/headlinepoetry\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4108\/revisions\/4218"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lineriderpress.com\/headlinepoetry\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/4109"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lineriderpress.com\/headlinepoetry\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4108"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lineriderpress.com\/headlinepoetry\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4108"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lineriderpress.com\/headlinepoetry\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4108"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}